Silly Songs With Erik
by PhantomSiren
Summary: The POTO characters perform songs from the Veggie Tales show. Please R&R!
1. Silly Songs With Erik

Disclaimer: I don't own POTO or Veggie Tales (much as I would like to).  
  
Silly Songs With Erik  
  
PS: Hello, people! Because I'm a maniac, I'm going to have our beloved characters perform songs from the Veggie Tales show.  
  
RAOUL: Waz a Veggie Tale?  
  
PS: A Veggie Tale is a show where talking, singing vegetables perform Bible stories.  
  
Everyone: GROAN!!  
  
PS: But there will be no Bible stories in THIS story.  
  
Everyone: YAY!!  
  
PS: So now, Silly Songs With...  
  
ERIK: Hold it.  
  
PS: What?  
  
ERIK: Are we going to have to dress up like vegetables?  
  
PS: No. You just perform the songs.  
  
ERIK: ... Am I going to hate this?  
  
PS: Of course not.  
  
ERIK: Good.  
  
PS: Not all of it, anyway.  
  
ERIK: What?!  
  
PS: Now, without further ado...  
  
ERIK: What do you mean "Not all of it"?!  
  
PS: Silly Songs With Erik!  
  
ERIK: What am I going to hate?!  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
A/N: So, whadaya think? Be gentle. PLEASE! 


	2. The Hairbrush Song

Disclaimer: I don't own POTO or Veggie Tales (much as I would like to).  
  
The Hairbrush song  
  
PS: *from offstage* Our curtain opens as Erik, having just finished his morning bath, is searching for his hairbrush. *The curtain opens revealing a stage set like a bathroom with a shower, shower curtains drawn. Erik is nowhere to be seen.* Erik! Get out there!  
  
ERIK: *From behind the shower curtain* I'm not coming out.  
  
PS: Oh yes you are.  
  
*Someone pushes Erik out from the shower in nothing but a towel and his mask.*  
  
ERIK PHANS: OH!! YEAH! GO ERIK! *other random catcalls that may not be printed here and keep this rating*  
  
ERIK: I hate this.  
  
PS: *continuing* Having no success, Erik cries out...  
  
ERIK: *says nothing*  
  
PS: Erik! Sing!  
  
ERIK: No.  
  
PS: *sighs* If you don't, I'll... I'll... redecorate your house.  
  
ERIK: *looks worried* You wouldn't.  
  
PS: All in pink.  
  
ERIK: *swallows* Fine. I'll... sing.  
  
PS: Good. *repeats* Having no success, Erik cries out...  
  
ERIK: *singing* Oh, where is my hairbrush? Oh where is my hairbrush? Oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where oh, where. is my hairbrush? *rolls eyes*  
  
PS: Having heard his cry, Ubaldo Piangi enters the scene. *Piangi enters* Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Erik in a towel *Piangi notices Erik's state of undress and is shocked*, Piangi regains his composure and reports...  
  
PIANGI: *singing* I think I saw a hairbrush back there! *exits*  
  
ERIK: *to PS* Do I HAVE to..."  
  
PS: Yes.  
  
ERIK: *growls* Back there is my hairbrush. Back there is my hairbrush. Back there, back there, oh, where, back there, oh, where, oh, where, back there, back there, back there ... is my hairbrush?  
  
PS: Having heard his joyous proclamation, Meg Giry enters the scene. *Meg enters* Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Erik in a towel, *Meg sees Erik and blushes* Meg regains his composure and comments...  
  
MEG: Why do you need a hairbrush? You don't have any hair! *exits*  
  
ERIK: I do TOO have hair!  
  
MEG: *from offstage* Well not much!  
  
PS: Erik is taken aback. The thought had never occurred to him. No hair? What would this mean? What will become of him? What will become of his hairbrush? Erik wonders...  
  
ERIK: No hair for my hairbrush. No hair for my hairbrush. No hair, no hair, no where, no hair, no hair, no hair, no where back there, no hair ... for my hairbrush.  
  
PS: Having heard his wonderings, Nadir the Daroga enters the scene. *Nadir enters* Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Erik in a towel...  
  
NADIR: Why are you in a towel?  
  
ERIK: Because I've lost control of my life.  
  
PS: *ignoring them* ...Nadir regains his composure and confesses...  
  
NADIR: Erik, that old hairbrush of yours ... Well, you never use it, you don't really need it. So, well, I'm sorry ... I didn't know. But I gave it to the fop, uh, I mean Raoul --- 'cause he's got hair!  
  
VEGGIE FANS: *scream and cheer loudly*  
  
NADIR PHANS: *scream and cheer even more loudly*  
  
NADIR: *Blushes, bows and exits*  
  
PS: Feeling a deep sense of loss, Erik stumbles back and laments...  
  
ERIK: *slowly* Not fair! Oh, my hairbrush. Not fair! My poor hairbrush. Not fair, not fair, no hair, not fair, no where, no hair, not fair, not fair, not fair! My little hairbrush!  
  
PS: Having heard his lament, Raoul enters the scene. *Raoul enters, also only wearing a towel* Himself in a towel.  
  
RAOUL PHANS: *catcalls *  
  
PS: Both Erik and Raoul are shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of each other. *Erik and Raoul glare at each other, measuring each other up* But recognizing Erik's generosity, Raoul is thankful...  
  
RAOUL: *sulkily* Thanks for the hairbrush. *exit*  
  
PS: Yes, good has been done here. Raoul exits the scene. Erik smiles, but, still feeling an emotional attachment for the hairbrush, calls out...  
  
ERIK: *muttering* This is so stupid. *singing* Take care of my hairbrush. Take care, oh my hairbrush. Take care, take care, don't dare not care. Take care. Nice hair. No fair. Take care, take care. of my hairbrush.  
  
PS: The end!  
  
*The curtain closes.*  
  
Backstage...  
  
ERIK: Can I put on some clothes now?  
  
PS: If you insist.  
  
* * * * * A/N: Like it? Hate it? I know I'm crazy, but I DON"T CARE! AHHAHAHAHA!!! Please review. 


	3. Dance of the Phantom

Disclaimer: See first chapter.  
  
PS: Right here! Get your Silly Songs souvenir pictures! For a limited time only pics from "The Hairbrush Song"! Erik in nothing but a TOWEL!  
  
ERIK: *pushes through the riotous throng to the souvenir stand* Give me those!!! *grabs the pictures*  
  
PS: Why, Erik! I had you no idea you were like...  
  
ERIK: Haven't you humiliated me enough?! What do you think you are doing?!  
  
PS: *waves to a huge pile of money* Getting rich!  
  
ERIK: AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
PS: Tell you what, I'll make it up to you.  
  
ERIK: Oh, great.  
  
PS: No, really. Here. *hands him a script* We'll do this one next.  
  
ERIK: *takes script, scans it, and raises an eyebrow* Really?  
  
PS: Absolutely.  
  
ERIK: And I get to wear clothes?  
  
PS: *hands him a box* Right here.  
  
ERIK: ...Fine.  
  
PS: Great. Now, go get into costume. *Shoos Erik off* Now then. *pulls out a terry cloth towel* Ladies and gentlemen, the actual towel worn by Erik during "The Hairbrush Song".  
  
Dance of the Phantom  
  
PS: And now it's time for Silly Song's With Erik, the part of the show where Erik comes out and sings a Silly Song. *curtain opens revealing Erik in his usual garb, plus a poncho and a huge sombrero, and Raoul in his usual garb, plus a matching fedora* Erik will be preforming the traditional Argentinian ballid "The Dance of the Phantom" in its original Spanish. Raoul de Chagny will translate. *an Argentinean waltz begins to play*  
  
ERIK: Do I have to dance?  
  
PS: *from offstage* Gee, lemme think. Um... YES!  
  
ERIK: *mutters* Just asking. *starts dancing in time to the music* Miren al fantasma.  
  
RAOUL: Watch the phantom.  
  
ERIK: Miren como se mueve...  
  
RAOUL: See how he moves.  
  
ERIK: Como un leon...  
  
RAOUL: Like a lion...  
  
ERIK: ...tras un ratón.  
  
RAOUL: ...chasing a mouse.  
  
ERIK: Miren al fantasma.  
  
RAOUL: Watch the phantom.  
  
ERIK: Sus suaves movimientos.  
  
RAOUL: Oh, how smooth his motion.  
  
ERIK: Tal como mantequilla...  
  
RAOUL: Like butter...  
  
ERIK: ...en un chango pelon.  
  
RAOUL: ...on a *confused* ... bald monkey.  
  
ERIK: Miren al fantasma.  
  
RAOUL: Watch the phantom.  
  
ERIK: Los bailarìn...  
  
RAOUL: All the dancers...  
  
ERIK: ...envidian a su amigo...  
  
RAOUL: ...envy their friend...  
  
ERIK: ...como el quieren cantar.  
  
RAOUL: ...wishing to dance as he.  
  
ERIK: Fantasma bailarin, fantasma bailarin, fantasma bailarin.  
  
RAOUL: Dancing phantom, dancing phantom, dancing phantom.  
  
ERIK: Baila, baila, ya.  
  
RAOUL: Dance, dance, yeah.  
  
ERIK: Miren al petimetre.  
  
RAOUL: Look at the fop.  
  
ERIK: ?No es triste?  
  
RAOUL: Isn't it sad?  
  
ERIK: El no puede bailar.  
  
RAOUL: He can't dance.  
  
ERIK: !Pobre petimetre!  
  
RAOUL: Poor fop!  
  
ERIK: El deberia poder bailar...  
  
RAOUL: He wishes he could dance...  
  
ERIK: ...como el fantasma...  
  
RAOUL: ...like the phantom...  
  
ERIK: ...libre y suavemente  
  
RAOUL: ...free and smooth.  
  
ERIK: Pero el no puede danzar.  
  
RAOUL: But he can't. OK! Stop the music! *music stops* Wadaya mean I can't dance? I can dance! What about the Masquerade? Didn't you see me dancing at the Masquerade?  
  
ERIK: !No comprendo!  
  
RAOUL: ?No comprendo? I'll show you 'No comprendo'!  
  
*He's about to attack, when a Kid and his Dad come enter*  
  
KID: Mom! Dad! Look over here! Get a picture of me next to the phantom in authentic Argentinian garb!  
  
DAD: Ok, Kid. But we better hurry. I think the dwarves have your mother confused with someone else! *Mother runs passed, closely pursued by a group of dwarves* Say "Cheese"!  
  
All: CHEESE!  
  
*KID and DAD leave stage. Music resumes*  
  
ERIK: *dancing again* Escuchen el fantasma.  
  
RAOUL: Listen to the phantom.  
  
ERIK: Oigan su voz fuerte.  
  
RAOUL: Hear his strong voice.  
  
ERIK: Como un leon...  
  
RAOUL: Like a lion...  
  
ERIK: ...listo a devorar.  
  
RAOUL: ...about to eat.  
  
ERIK: Escuchen al fantasma.  
  
RAOUL: Listen to the phantom.  
  
ERIK: Que dulce as su canto.  
  
RAOUL: How sweet his voice.  
  
ERIK: La voz de su garganta perece un trias.  
  
RAOUL: The breath from his throat is like a chorus of little birdies.  
  
ERIK: Escuchen al fantasma.  
  
RAOUL: *getting annoyed* Listen to the phantom.  
  
ERIK: Los cantantes...  
  
RAOUL: All the singers...  
  
ERIK: ...envidian a su amigo...  
  
RAOUL: ...envy their friend...  
  
ERIK: ...como el quieren cantar.  
  
RAOUL: ...wishing to sing as he.  
  
ERIK: Fantasma cantador, fantasma cantador, fantasma cantador.  
  
RAOUL: Singing phantom, singing phantom, singing phantom.  
  
ERIK: Canta, canta, ya  
  
RAOUL: Sing, sing, ya  
  
ERIK: Escuchen al petimetre.  
  
RAOUL: *annoyed* Listen to the fop.  
  
ERIK: ?No es triste?  
  
RAOUL: Isn't it sad?  
  
ERIK: El no puede cantar.  
  
RAOUL: He can't sing.  
  
ERIK: Pobre petimetre.  
  
RAOUL: Poor... fop.  
  
ERIK: El deberia poder cantar...  
  
RAOUL: He wishes he could sing...  
  
ERIK: ...fuere y ducle como el fantasma.  
  
RAOUL: ...strong and sweet like the phantom.  
  
ERIK: Pero no puede.  
  
RAOUL: But he...but he can't.  
  
ERIK: !Ni siquiera da un silbido!  
  
RAOUL: He can't even whistle! *finally reaching the end of his rope* All right! That's it "Senor"! Come over here and let me sing YOU a song! *goes after Erik*  
  
ERIK: *dodges* Adios, amigos! *runs offstage, followed closely by a murderous Raoul*  
  
PS: This has been Silly Songs With Erik. Tune in next time to hear Erik sing.....  
  
ERIK: *runs back on stage* Raoul is really angry! I hope he doesn't catch me! It's so hard to run with this sombrero on my head! *runs off again, followed by Raoul, again*  
  
* * * * * A/N: Like it? Hate it? Requests? TALK TO ME PEOPLE!!! 


	4. Oh, Santa

Disclaimer: See first chapter.  
  
PS: Since it is almost Christmas, the cast will perform "Oh, Santa" for your reading pleasure.  
  
ERIK: *runs out in a Santa suit without the beard, hat and belt* I am NOT going to be Santa Claus!  
  
PS: *pouts* Why not?  
  
ERIK: Someone took my hat and belt! And my beard!  
  
PS: Don't be ridiculous. I didn't give you a beard.  
  
ERIK: Why not?  
  
PS: You look better without one. Not to mention younger.  
  
ERIK: That's not saying much.  
  
(A/N: Aww! Poor Erik! We love you!)  
  
PS: And as for the belt and hat... well, you don't really need them, do you?  
  
ERIK: I guess not.  
  
PS: Great! Now, be a good Santa and go get ready. *ushers him offstage, then looks around* FIRMIN! PIANGI! ANDRE! Front and center!  
  
FIRMIN, PIANGI, and ANDRE: *Run out from various areas and line up in front of PS*  
  
PS: *begins pacing in front of them* Now, you all have your parts. I expect perfection from each and every one of you!  
  
(A/N: Considering who I'm talking to, that's a LOT to ask.)  
  
PS: *continuing* Now, get to your spots and wait for your cues.  
  
F, P, & A: *scatter*  
  
PS: Raoul, you ready?  
  
RAOUL: Ready!  
  
PS: Great! Ladies and Gentlemen. "Oh, Santa"!  
  
* * * * *  
  
OH, SANTA!  
  
*curtain opens to reveal RAOUL standing in a cheery living room set with a Christmas tree, decorations, and a fireplace*  
  
PS: *from offstage* It's Christmas Eve and Raoul is anxiously awaiting the arrival of Santa with a plate of cookies.  
  
RAOUL: I made them myself!  
  
PS: ...  
  
RAOUL: What? Is that weird?  
  
PS: No. Actually it explains a lot. *starts music*  
  
RAOUL: *sings* Oh Santa! I can't wait for you to come. I just can't wait for you to come. And I've got cookies... three yummy cookies. Just for you for when you come, only for you for when you come! Because it's Christmas. *knock, knock, knock* Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who brings presents for a good Vicomte like me, a real good Vicomte like me?  
  
PS: Raoul is surprised to be greeted not by Santa, but by crafty bank robber.  
  
RAOUL: *opens door* Who are you?  
  
FIRMIN: I'm a bank robber! And I've come to rob your bank, oh yes, I've come to rob your bank. And I've come to take your dimes and swipe your nickels. So stand back, step aside you silly pickle, and let me in.  
  
PS: Although frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of Christmas Raoul makes an offering.  
  
RAOUL: *lets FIRMIN in* I'm not a banker. I don't have a bank my robbing friend, but I have cookies, three yummy cookies. And I don't have nickels, but please take this my robbing friend, eat one of these my robbing friend. They are for Santa, but you may have one. *gives FIRMIN a cookie*  
  
PS: The bank robber is truly touched by Raoul's goodwill, but Raoul, although momentarily distracted, is still excited about seeing Santa.  
  
RAOUL: Oh Santa! I can't wait for you to come. I just can't wait for you to come.  
  
FIRMIN: *simultaneously* I'm a bank robber! And I've come to rob your bank, oh yes, I've come to rob your bank.  
  
RAOUL: And I've got cookies...  
  
FIRMIN: You shared a cookie.  
  
RAOUL: Two yummy cookies.  
  
FIRMIN: A yummy cookie.  
  
RAOUL: Just for you for when you come, only for you for when you come!  
  
FIRMIN: Though I'd love to take your dimes, perhaps another time.  
  
BOTH: Because it's Christmas. *knock, knock, knock*  
  
RAOUL: Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who brings presents for a good Vicomte like me, a real good Vicomte like me?  
  
PS: Once again it is not Santa who comes to the door, but this time a savage Norseman.  
  
RAOUL: *opens door* Who are you?  
  
PIANGI: I'm a Viking! I've come to take your land! Oh yes, I've come to take your land! And I've come to burn your crops and steal your horses. And I've come to step on your chickens. AND SOIL YOUR QUILTS! Oi! Oi.  
  
PS: Although frightened by the intruder, in the spirit of Christmas Raoul makes and offering.  
  
RAOUL: *lets PIANGI in* I don't have plants. I don't have land my Viking friend, but I have cookies. Two yummy cookies. And I don't have horses. But please take this my Viking friend, eat one of these my Viking friend. They are for Santa. But you may have one. *gives PIANGI a cookie*  
  
PS: The Viking is also touched by Raoul's goodwill, but Raoul, although momentarily distracted, is still excited about seeing Santa.  
  
RAOUL: Oh Santa! I can't wait for you to come. I just can't wait for you to come.  
  
PIANGI: *simultaneously* I'm a Viking! I've come to take your land! Oh yes, I've come to take your land!  
  
RAOUL: And I've got cookies.  
  
PIANGI: You shared a cookie.  
  
RAOUL: A yummy cookie.  
  
PIANGI: A yummy cookie.  
  
RAOUL: Just for you for when you come, only for you for when you come!  
  
PIANGI: Though I'd love to soil your quilts, I don't think that I wilt.  
  
BOTH: Because it's Christmas. *knock, knock, knock*  
  
RAOUL: Could that be Santa? Could that be him? Could it be the one who brings presents for a good Vicomte like me, a real good Vicomte like me?  
  
PS: Raoul is greeted now by an agent of the Internal Revenue Service.  
  
RAOUL: *opens door* Who're you?  
  
ANDRE: I'm from the IRS. And I've come to tax your-- *SLAM*  
  
RAOUL: Oh Santa! I can't wait for you to come. I just can't wait for you to come!  
  
ERIK: *Santa squeezes down the chimney in a Santa suit, sans belt, sans hat, sans beard*  
  
RAOUL: It's finally Santa. It's finally him. At last the one who brings presents for a good Vicomte like me, a real good Vicomte like me!  
  
ERIK: I'm Santa. And I've come to bring you gifts. Oh yes! I've come to bring you gifts. And I've come to stuff your stocking. Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho. And I've come to giggle my belly, and wiggle my... nose. *notices FIRMIN has his hat and PIANGI has his belt* Hey! Wait a minute! Isn't that my belt? And what are you doing with my hat? *gasps* So you're the ones.  
  
FIRMIN: Wait a minute. I can explain!  
  
PIANGI: We've changed!  
  
ERIK: Nobody messes with Santa. You know that don't you! You've been very naughty. And I've got a list! *reaches into his sack and pulls out a Punjab lasso*  
  
FIRMIN and PIANGI: *run away*  
  
ERIK: *runs after them*  
  
ANDRE: *enters* Did you claim that?  
  
RAOUL: *confused* Merry... Christmas!  
* * * * *  
  
A/N: Like it? Hate it? Requests? MERRY CHRISTMAS! 


End file.
